34 Comments
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Andrew Wilson's avatar

I so appreciate this essay and the fact that you were willing and able to share something so difficult. I had an experience somewhat similar to yours, and it did me good to connect through your words with someone who understands these things first-hand. I also think this is just a really good essay, distilling something more people do not experience into an experiential "reading moment." The use of the definition reminded me of the way I have sought some kind of control at difficult moments in the various labels we give to phenomena that ultimately don't ever fit very well in the frame. Thanks again for sharing this.

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that you know this pain too, but I'm glad I could be there with you in a small way. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully re-create it in writing, but I'll keep making attempts if it helps someone else too. Thank you, so much.

Kyra Bredenhof's avatar

This broke my heart

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 thank you for reading ❤️

Heather Brown Barrett's avatar

This is so beautiful. ❤️ I enjoy the exploration of joy within the deep grief.

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Thank you so much, Heather! And yes, exactly.

Megan Gibbons's avatar

Just beautiful.

Rebecca's avatar

This really moved me.

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Thank you so much for reading!

Nikita E-L's avatar

What a beautiful depiction of the liminality between pregnancy and not-pregnancy. The ending felt so vivid, and like a balm for a breaking heart.

Caroline Beuley's avatar

Wow what an incredible, moving essay.

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Thank you so much ❤️

Andrea Cavedo's avatar

Boof this made me choke up a whole lot

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 thank you so much for reading, and I'm sorry. If it helps, I have since had another healthy baby and he's pure delight

Lisa Fransson's avatar

What a beautiful and heart-breaking piece of writing 💔♥️

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Thank you so much, Lisa!

Michelle King's avatar

This is absolutely beautiful.

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Thank you so much, Michelle ❤️

Jane Berger Herschlag's avatar

I love, How to Carry, from start to finish. You totally immerse me in your experience. Very impressive, and not self-indulgent. Thanks,

Jane

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

This is so kind, thank you!

martha ellen johnson's avatar

I'm writing about my mother and my little sister[s] ........ I was six when mom lost one of the identical twins. Six weeks later in a "professional" family photo she's sitting center hold my baby sister barely 5 pounds - a three pound gain from birth weight. And my mom is smiling for the camera .... a smile full of pain ..... and no one ever mentioned the loss. But I will .... I know my mom longed for a balm to ease her broken heart. I'm preparing one right now...

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Your mother is lucky to have you ❤️ thanks so much for reading

- - - Kate Dunoway - - -'s avatar

Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking and educational piece. I also did not know that this is how miscarriages could go. It's tragic that you had to find out in this way. You put it all so poignantly and gracefully. You sound like an incredible and strong mother. Never stop writing <3

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

I'm so glad to hear this! It's partly why I wanted to write it, to inform people what this can look like. And it's so common, too. Thank you so much for reading ❤️

Keith Long's avatar

Really really good.

book inc's avatar

A beautiful piece. Thank you so much for sharing.

Eleni D. Vlachos's avatar

So moving. Wow. Beautiful writing. And the perfect painting pairing. I appreciate the Q&A responses too--that bit about how the difficulty of writing a scene/segment can become part of the writing was fantastic.

Jill Kolongowski's avatar

Thank you so much for reading! I'd never seen the painting before, either. Isn't it wonderful? Also YES, such good advice. Maybe the writing advice I follow the most.